But it's actually those few moments when it DOES feel real that you have to worry about! We've been at the computer all morning (and now into the afternoon) working on the ever daunting "support letter". I must have proof-read it eleven times, when it finally started to sink in.
I've never been one to be afraid of the unknown. I love it and tend to run head long toward it. No, what scares me isn't the unknown- it's being unprepared. Makes me shudder to think of it! Ever since moving out to Connecticut our days have been filled with planning and preparation. We've been getting passports renewed, Dr's appointments set up, setting up an insurance plan, getting rid of phone lines...all that kind of fun stuff. But no matter how many times I've written it into my schedule, I haven't been able to really make God work with me and show up when I demand him to, and prepare my heart how and when I want it. And no matter how meticulously I proof-read this letter, I cannot ensure that it will bring us even $3.00 worth of support. This is really happening and I am unprepared in a way that I can do nothing about but wait and trust... terrifying.
Sitting here, it is suddenly starting to make more sense why the idea of waiting on God and His sovereignty over our lives has come up quite a bit lately ;)